Thoughts from Malawi

This is my first post in English from Malawi. I’m writing in English because of my English-speaking readers and also because I need some more practice in the English language. Since it's only one day since last post you might think i don't have a lot to do, but it's mostly beacuse of the cancelling of the camp. Further on I will properly write once a week or twice a month. Today I will not be sharing about what is happening around me, but rather share some thoughts.

When signing up for the voluntary service I didn’t know what I was doing. I just thought that God had a plan for me here, and I still do, but I didn’t know so much what I was doing. Still I don’t know so much what I’m doing. Trying to live day by day. The last days I have found out that most of my thoughts are at home. What will I talk about when I get home, what will I have learned, whom I will miss, what will I be missing. Never my mind on where I was, what I was doing. I hope I will learn to live more for the moment, not thinking too much about the future.

When I arrived here I thought I would see more suffering. Thought that people would be in greater need then they actually where. People are poor, but most of the people with the biggest trouble are actually lazy by our standard. My host told me straight forward, the people that starve in this area are lazy; they just don’t want to work. Still there are great needs here. People that work hard don’t get rewarded in the way you would expect. They get enough money to get food, but not so much more.

In my thoughts I was going to make a big difference. We were joking at home about me saving the world. I know I can’t change the whole world by my own, but I thought I would be making more difference than I’m doing now. I wanted to save people, to do such a big difference. Both in the church and at the clinic. Clearly I had to high expectations to myself and to my work. Though I knew I wouldn’t change everything I would want to see more change. Not only by myself but together with God and the church

But in the end, what does it matter. What is the meaning of all this?

Maybe I’m not at the wrong place or in the wrong time. If one human being is change for the better, isn’t this something worth living a lifetime to accomplish? I understand more and more that I have to be patient. Patient to get to know the people and patient to learn the language. In this way I may be able to do the things I was meant to do. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to change one person for the better, maybe help someone into a more meaningful life, perhaps show someone that there is something more. And trough this I may change the world. Because one person can really make a difference. One person can change to world. So maybe I will be able to do more than I understand. Perhaps there are things in progress that I don’t see, things that I don’t understand. So maybe I didn’t have to big expectations. I have sown and will continue doing so and the fruit will perhaps come when I am not expecting it.

The world is constantly changing. Every second a new life is born and a dream is fulfilled.
I gaze into the starlight, overwhelmed by the smallness of my actions.
Forever I’ve stumbled as I desperately sought the wisdom of the ages.
Tomorrow I will change the world!